Rise and shine, pleasure seekers!
This Thanksgiving, we’re going to forgo the “get stuffed” puns, and instead tell you — from the bottom of our heart — how thankful we are for the PSYN community. From all of us here on the PSYN Team, we hope today is filled with laughter, joy, and a whole lotta pleasure. xx.
This morning we’re waking up with Ayah Ilie, a somatic sexologist, intimacy coach, and bodyworker dedicated to helping individuals and couples reconnect with their bodies’ wisdom and aliveness. With training in trauma, somatic healing, and embodiment modalities, Ayah creates deeply attuned spaces where people can explore intimacy, safety, desire, boundaries, and the parts of themselves they’ve long exiled. Known for her work with men navigating intimacy challenges, she blends nervous system education, somatic inquiry, and radical acceptance to guide clients toward wholeness, agency, and self-trust. Let’s dive in…
What’s your earliest memory of pleasure—sexual or otherwise?
My earliest memory of pleasure was the peace and presence I experienced when riding through the forest by myself on my shetland pony at the age of 8 years old, eating strawberry tartlets and stealing flowers out of people's front gardens in the summers and spending my winters sledding down snowy mountains and walking the dog through the snow by myself. My earliest memories of pleasure are all filled with nature, calm and often my own company.
Right now, what’s turning you on—culturally, creatively, or sexually?
Right now what turns me on is kinbaku practice and getting creative for my work, writing erotic short stories, filming workshops, designing bespoke private retreats for clients. I used to be super shy and having cultivated safety now in being seen means this becomes a turn on in whatever context. Also I adore beauty and what lights me up is beautifully designed spaces, matching colour schemes, sexy lighting, natural aromas and anything that is quality, organic and naturally created.
Do you have a ritual, tool, or practice that helps you connect to your own pleasure?
I have different ones, Shibari/Kinbaku is definitely a staple, dance, time in nature, swimming in the ocean and soaking up the sun, self touch, and all of the wonderful things that connect me to my senses.
What do you wish people talked about more openly when it comes to sex & pleasure?
All of it, but particularly I wish that we taught children more about their bodies and about consent. [I wish we] began child lead body and sex education much earlier. I feel that most of us experience some form of developmental delay and relational ruptures because we don't get taught about healthy relating, our own bodies, and our pleasure — instead we are left to figure it out on our own and often get hurt a lot along the way. If boys and girls were raised to understand and relate to their sexuality in a healthy and integrated way we would not be facing a world that is drowning in boundary violations, confusion, and shame. ( We need to educate everyone that sex is not just about the act but that 95% of it is about everything else that makes us thrive as humans!)
If we peeked at your “pleasure playlist,” what’s on it?
All different types of music: sensual, afrobeats, classical. Homemade raw cacao and dates with almond butter, mango, snuggles, and slow hand or head strokes. Listening to someone's heartbeat, long hugs, geeking out on an article or book, lying on the beach and getting kisses from the sun, being tied up by someone who knows how to lead, allowing myself to embrace my submissive flavors.
What’s one myth or misconception about pleasure you’d love to debunk?
That pleasure is always hedonistic, I wish more people realized that we all desire to be in the pleasure of service, that we want to contribute to the greater good, yet most of us are disconnected from eudaimonic pleasure because we are disconnected from ourselves, our purpose, and personal power. The schooling system amongst cultural and family norms knocks us down and makes us believe we need to survive instead of thrive in our creative expression.
What’s one lesson you’ve learned on your pleasure journey that you’d want others to know?
Your sense of embodied safety determines your capacity for pleasure and getting to know your nervous system is so important. We often need to feel the discomfort, numbness, or pain first before we can cultivate more pleasure and peace.
You will need to commit to feeling more of yourself and to allow yourself to have the experience rather than the thoughts. You cant experience true pleasure if you are not in your body and returning to the body is the greatest gift and worth prioritizing and fighting for. I still often forget to prioritize my body, and in today's fast-paced and technology-dominated world, it requires us to become really conscious of the choices we do have, rather than being swept away by the current.
✨ Ayah Ilie’s Plug
Explore Ayah’s work and book somatic intimacy coaching or bodywork sessions at @intimacy.with.ilie, where she supports individuals and couples in cultivating safety, presence, and deeper erotic connection. Whether you're seeking to build sexual confidence, strengthen relational attunement, navigate alternative relationships like polyamory, or reconnect with your body’s natural intelligence, Ayah offers both online and in-person sessions rooted in trauma-informed care, co-regulation, and embodied aliveness.
🗞️ Fresh on PSYN