Rise and shine, pleasure seekers!
Sarah Douglass here, the editor-in-chief of PSYN Media & founder of Pussynomics©, a women+’s pleasure advocacy company. From all of us at PSYN, may your coffee taste divine, your Slack stay quiet, and this Q&A give you something to smile about. xx.
This morning we’re waking up with Searah Deysach. She’s a queer sex educator and the founder of Early to Bed and Trans Essentials, a Chicago-based space built on radical inclusivity and pleasure-positive education. When she’s not running her shop and online store, she’s out in the community — lecturing at colleges and community groups about masturbation, sex toys, and sexual self-discovery. Let’s dive in…
What’s your earliest memory of pleasure—sexual or otherwise?
Oh, one of my earliest memories EVER was also one deeply tied to pleasure… an easter basket filled with candy that I was allowed to just eat all of. I am still a sugar fiend and get a lot of pleasure from pastries but especially from sharing delicious, decadent sweets with others who appreciate them.
Right now, what’s turning you on—culturally, creatively, or sexually?
I am so blown away by all the lesbian, sapphic and queer women’s spaces, events and publications that are happening right now!
The centering of sapphic pleasure, connections, and desires is so glorious to see at the scale we are right now. I also am super turned on by the fact that these events and such are trans and non-binary inclusive and we are continuing to bring more folks into the community.
Do you have a ritual, tool, or practice that helps you connect to your own pleasure?
Um vibrators! Especially ones that are easy to use and chock full of power.
What do you wish people talked about more openly when it comes to sex & pleasure?
I really wish we talked more about how incredibly different everyone is. Media is always saying “Buy This! This is how to have this type of Orgasm! Here is a new sex trick you have to try!” And all of that can really make some folks feel like their desires and their bodies are broken or wrong.
If a popular toy or technique doesn’t work for you, that is OK! It does not mean that anything is wrong with you. Every single person is different and that is beautiful, but it may mean that you have to take more time to figure out what works for you and not just trust culture or other people’s ideas about what is pleasurable.
If we peeked at your “pleasure playlist,” what’s on it?
I try to infuse bite-sized bits of pleasure into my day, all day long:
Standing at the counter at the coffee shop to enjoy that first sip of coffee before I head into the office. Taking a 10 minute eyes-closed break in the afternoon in my comfy chair. Spending a half hour alone in bed each night watching my favorite period drama. Using an amazing smelling body wash in the shower each night. Winding down with my girlfriend and a sweet snack and then getting into bed and doing a few NYT games.
Everyday I do these things and with each little treat I think “ah, this is the best part of my day”.
What’s one myth or misconception about pleasure you’d love to debunk?
Not all sex has to end in orgasm! While I am a FIRM believer that everyone should be having all the orgasms that they want alone and/or with a partner, I like to remind folks that there is so much more to sex.
Sex play can take many forms and sometimes orgasms are not what it needs to be about. Internationally not making the O the goal can take pressure off folks to “perform” and it can lead to more innovative sex and sometimes deeper intimate connections.
On the flip side though I also have to say, especially to the vulva-havers out there, if you have never had an orgasm, it is out there for you and you two will find each other!
What’s one lesson you’ve learned on your pleasure journey that you’d want others to know?
For a rich, deep and satisfying sex life, be prepared to communicate your desires and keep an open mind while also learning to feel comfortable setting boundaries. Sex and pleasure are lifelong journeys and what is awesome now might change.
I urge everyone to value self pleasure - you can be your own best lover whether that is sexual or in other forms. Let folks into your life but don’t rely solely on others to provide you orgasms, sweet treats and other bits of daily pleasure.
✨ Searah Deysach’s Plug
Curious about your darker desires? Join Searah for Getting Freaky with Fantasy: An Intro to Monster + Primal Play, a live workshop exploring how fantasy can fuel empowerment, creativity, and pleasure. Whether you’re monster-curious or just ready to play, this session is the perfect place to start. Sign up here.🗞️ Fresh on PSYN
🗞️ Fresh on PSYN